Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just gargled with NyQuil
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