Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
