why didn't you poke me back
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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