If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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