So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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