glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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