i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
