party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
