when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
