the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
