My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
