I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
