If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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