Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
