i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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