This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
