She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
