We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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