she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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