i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
