My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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