It's a beautiful day for a hangover
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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