I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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