Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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