im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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