did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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