Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I want to be your penis for a week.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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