new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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