o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
