I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
