we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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