i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
