the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
one might say we're banned from that church
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
