That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
