i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
