Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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