I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
