My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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