he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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