I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
