everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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