well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
