Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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