Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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