Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
