There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
