If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
