I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
