my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
