you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
