Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
