Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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