I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
