So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
