Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
