Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
